Your True Source of Confidence | RonRossToday.com

Your True Source of Confidence | RonRossToday.com

Family History and Family Skeletons |

Family History and Family Skeletons |

Self-confidence And Self-esteem - The Real Way To Get It

Self-confidence And Self-esteem - The Real Way To Get It

Our Grandparents Didn't Talk Like Us

As my wife discussed the imminent arrival of our grandson for a week of visitation, she had an interesting insight. She said thoughtfully, “You know what Honey? Our grandparents didn't talk like us.”

What she meant was not that they spoke another language or with a European accent or something like that. What she meant was that they had not heard about Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” or Thomas Harris’ “I’m Ok, You’re OK” or Dr. Phil’s “Life Code.”

They lived by simpler propositions taught them by their parents, such as “Do unto others as others as you would have them do unto you,” and “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” and the most important of all, “’til death do us part.”

Quite honestly, I think they would have laughed at the touchy-feely concepts of “I’m OK, You’re OK” and self-actualization. Mrs. Ross was right: we do talk differently than our grandparents did; at least we do in our house, and we have been talking that way for over 50-years of marriage.

In our house, we are willing to tackle any emotion, deal with any issue, meditate any dispute, mend any wound, heal any injury, forgive any offense, cry, laugh, fret, worry, wonder, and work out whatever is on our relationship plate at the moment. I know many don’t do this, but for us, it has kept us together for over 50 years and we expect it to keep us together for another 20 or 30 years.

And we think our grandchildren need to know about this aspect of our lives.

As we roam down the corridors of memory and reflect on the events, people and places we have known and experienced, we relive all the emotions we learned about in “I’m OK, You’re OK,” and all the zeal we felt as we progressed up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to self-actualization.

Of course, not every moment was wonderful, not every encounter was what we wanted it to be, not every friend stayed our friend, and when we recall some of our most embarrassing moments our faces still blush.

The memories of long ago that seem to become clearer to us day-by-day bring to mind life-lessons; some learned, some ignored at the time. Now, with the wisdom of experience, we apply them to situations and encounters. You could say, our head is cooler, our heart is warmer and our hand is steadier.

Upon reflection, we see that very little in our lives really happened by chance. What once appeared to us as a chance meeting is now viewed as a divine intervention. What was once thought to be a time of trouble and despair we now see as a time of learning and personal growth. Also, what was once thought to be a moment of great accomplishment we now see was only a small step forward.

These lessons, these life-changing trials and tests, and tribulations are what have made us who we are today. When we see our lives from a distance, when we evaluate them from the perspective of our age, we see clearer and brighter than we did while in the midst of the trauma or while at the apex of some achievement.

Perhaps the best thing that comes from such a search of our memory is that our life begins to make a little sense. As we confront the hurts and healings, wrongs and rights, highs and lows, successes and failures, health and sickness, wealth and poverty, rejoicing and mourning, hope and despair we have lived through, we see a thread of meaning and purpose.

I am reminded of a time when my very wise and godly father set me down for a talking to. I was in my twenties, had just graduated from four years of Bible College and in our denomination, that was enough to qualify you for ordination and for your own pulpit, could you find a congregation that would hire you.

A few weeks before I graduated from college a little church in north-central Kansas needed a minister and they came to my college to interview some prospects. My young wife and I met with them and then they came to a church service where I was preaching to hear what kind of preacher I was.

The sermon really was not that good, but they hired me anyway and so we prepared for a move from our little basement apartment in Nebraska to the parsonage of the Christian Church in Glasco, Kansas. 

Before we left for Kansas my dad set me down and said, “Son I would like to give you a little advice.”

I had no idea what I was going to do upon my arrival in Kansas so I was ready for any help he would give me. 

“Ron, you are moving to a very small church in a very small community. Would you like to know how to have a successful ministry there?”

“I sure would, Dad,” I said, “I’m scared to death.”

“Here’s what do to do, son," I leaned in to make sure I didn't miss a word, "Take care of the old ladies in that church,” He paused a moment, then explained, “When the old ladies are happy the whole church is happy and you will have a good ministry. But when the old ladies are unhappy it won’t matter how good of a preacher you are.”

His advice sounded good to me, so I took it to heart and went out of my way to be interested in and care for the lovely older ladies at the church. Dad was right. I had a good ministry, not because I was a great preacher, but because I knew the secret of a successful pastorate in small-town Kansas – shared with me by my wise dad.

You too must recall the days of your life and glean from those memories the wisdom you gained from everyday living – then pass on that wisdom to your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. If your children and your grandchildren know you as a person it will be easier for them to discern the kind of person they want to be.

For HELP in preserving YOUR family History visit FamilyHistoryReport.com

What Do You Want Your Grandchildren to Know About Your Grandparents?

“Hey Grandpa, can I come and see you and Grandma for a week this summer?”

Our grandson, Rick

It was one of our grandsons who called me from his college in Florida. Mrs. Ross and I were excited about the request even though we knew it meant that we would be paying for his airfare.

While we work out the date of his arrival and departure it dawned on me that one use of our time together could be that my wife and I could tell him about our grandparents and the legacy they have left for him. It is important because we are the only people on earth who can teach him what our grandparents taught us. So we are going to be intentional about that when he gets here in a few weeks.

Here is why it is important: Because he needs to know where he came from – not just his mom and dad and not just his grandparents, but beyond that. We believe that if he knows something about his ancestors it will help him discover his destiny and thus live out the meaning and purpose of his own life.

Now we must decide what we want him to know about our grandparents and then we must devise a way of telling him about them that will interest him and preserve their legacy in his heart and mind.

Let’s take those two issues one at a time.

First of all, what do we want him to know about our grandparents?

This powerful question will cause us to explore the recesses of our memories to recall the few encounters we had with our grandparents, most of them were when we were wee children, and then extrapolate from those memories the life-lessons worthy of passing on to our grandson.

At lunch today I asked Mrs. Ross what her earliest recollections were of her maternal grandparents, Grandpa and Grandma Brown. She immediately told me the story Grandpa Brown’s early death from emphysema. With a slight quiver in her voice she said, “Grandpa Brown smoked himself to death.” Then she expanded the story to tell about one of Grandpa Brown’s sons, her Uncle Bill. She recalled Uncle Bill saying to her, “I’m just like my father. I’m going to smoke myself to death.” And you know what? That is exactly what he did.

This is an example of the kind of story that can be shared with a college-age grandson who has already been tempted to try things much more harmful than cigarettes. Such a story from and about a family member personalizes the life lesson and burns it on the heart and in the mind of the listener.

Can you think of a story from your childhood about your grandparents that taught you something about life? Is there some way that your grandparents treated you or something that they taught you that makes you who you are today?

Both of my grandparents, especially my grandfathers, were the kind of men who wanted to convey life lessons to their grandchildren.

My maternal grandfather, Grandpa Filatreau, was a great letter writer. He was also a confirmed Democrat and was willing to render his opinion on all things political. He didn’t live far from Richard Nixon’s parent’s home in Whittier California.  He alleged he knew Richard Nixon as a boy and knew “that S.O.B. was a crook when he was a boy stealing money from his parent’s grocery store.” No one ever really believed his story, but it was so much fun to have him tell it that we didn’t bother to challenge him on its authenticity.

My Paternal grandfather, who homesteaded in Colorado about 100 years ago, was also a teacher of sorts. He wasn’t educated – I don’t think he went to school beyond the 6^th or 7^th grade, but later in life he did do quite a bit of writing and he had a Christian radio show about Bible prophecy, and he even wrote a little book titled, “Where Do We Go from Here?”

So, there are many stories I can tell my grandson about my grandparents, and since he is studying for the ministry, many will be quite meaningful to him because he has this same desire to teach and preach and share the Good News with others.

The other issue we are forced to deal with is HOW; how are we going to communicate these stories to our grandson in a way that will be memorable for him?

Because our time with him will be limited we must schedule a time to talk specifically about his great-grandparents.

The second thing we must do is get some photos out so he can see what they looked like.

The third thing will must do is share with him some of the letters my Grandpa Filatreau wrote and show him the little book Grandpa Sapp wrote.

Photographs and tangible items (such as Grandpa Sapp’s book) have a way of extending the story and focusing the lessons for a longer-term impact. Visual aids make stories come to life.

The fourth thing we must do is photograph him with those mementos and give him hard copies of the pictures.

The fifth thing, which would be the best thing of all, would be for us to video the entire session. That takes more work and creates its own unique set of challenges, but would be the most valuable thing of all because it could then be shared with the other grandchildren, some of whom are too young to appreciate their significance.

Now it’s your turn? What Do You Want Your Grandchildren to Know About Your Grandparents?

Start out by jotting down your thoughts, decide what you want to say, to whom do you want to say it, determine how you are going to do it, then do it!

Here’s a quote I saw somewhere that summarizes this whole effort:

“It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. And if you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.”

If you are anything like me, you don’t want your grandchildren going wrong.

How to Use Only One Photograph to Preserve Your Family History

“Oh my goodness look at this picture!” my wife exclaimed. We spent the next hour talking about the people in the photograph, the place where it was taken and the event it chronicled. One photograph can stimulate the memory to recall many fascinating details of people, places, things and events.

What happens most often is that after a long visit, perhaps even some tears, the photo prompting all the interest is placed back in the box from whence it came and not touched again for a decade or so.

What should happen is what Christine Seal did when she submitted a photo and a well-written essay to TheGuardian.com. When she came across a photograph of her as a six-year-old child standing next to her father she took the time to write down the story of the photo and in the process chronicled some fascinating facts and feelings about herself and her father.

CLICK HERE to read Christine Seal’s story and see how you too can preserve your family history!

Visit www.RecordYourFamilyHistory.com

How to Present Your Family History on a Blog

Slices of family history, or perhaps I should say chapters of family history, can be easy to write, display and

distribute on a blog website.

Before I go any further, take a look at this very interesting blog titled, “A Family History in Seven Photos” by CLICKING HERE.

Do you see what author Kurt Ernst has done? He took seven related historic photos and wrote brief paragraphs about each photo yielding a very interesting trip through time and an explanation of who is in each photo, when the photo was probably taken, and what it contributed to the story of his family.

Ernst used a blog page on a unique blog site about automobiles for which he is a contributor, but it is easy to create a unique blog for your family. If you go to Blogger.com, WordPress.com or any of several free blogging sites, you can create your own family history blog FREE! 

Don’t worry, you don’t have to be a geek to create the blog site and add information and photos of your family. Use your family name in the URL. If I were to do this, it would be www.blog.RonRossFamily.com. (Don’t bother to click on it as it does not exist). 

However, if you want to see my family website, visit www.RonaldDRoss.com.

For more about Dr. Ross' book, How to Record Your Family History, CLICK HERE.