Self-confidence And Self-esteem - The Real Way To Get It

Self-confidence And Self-esteem - The Real Way To Get It

Our Grandparents Didn't Talk Like Us

As my wife discussed the imminent arrival of our grandson for a week of visitation, she had an interesting insight. She said thoughtfully, “You know what Honey? Our grandparents didn't talk like us.”

What she meant was not that they spoke another language or with a European accent or something like that. What she meant was that they had not heard about Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” or Thomas Harris’ “I’m Ok, You’re OK” or Dr. Phil’s “Life Code.”

They lived by simpler propositions taught them by their parents, such as “Do unto others as others as you would have them do unto you,” and “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” and the most important of all, “’til death do us part.”

Quite honestly, I think they would have laughed at the touchy-feely concepts of “I’m OK, You’re OK” and self-actualization. Mrs. Ross was right: we do talk differently than our grandparents did; at least we do in our house, and we have been talking that way for over 50-years of marriage.

In our house, we are willing to tackle any emotion, deal with any issue, meditate any dispute, mend any wound, heal any injury, forgive any offense, cry, laugh, fret, worry, wonder, and work out whatever is on our relationship plate at the moment. I know many don’t do this, but for us, it has kept us together for over 50 years and we expect it to keep us together for another 20 or 30 years.

And we think our grandchildren need to know about this aspect of our lives.

As we roam down the corridors of memory and reflect on the events, people and places we have known and experienced, we relive all the emotions we learned about in “I’m OK, You’re OK,” and all the zeal we felt as we progressed up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to self-actualization.

Of course, not every moment was wonderful, not every encounter was what we wanted it to be, not every friend stayed our friend, and when we recall some of our most embarrassing moments our faces still blush.

The memories of long ago that seem to become clearer to us day-by-day bring to mind life-lessons; some learned, some ignored at the time. Now, with the wisdom of experience, we apply them to situations and encounters. You could say, our head is cooler, our heart is warmer and our hand is steadier.

Upon reflection, we see that very little in our lives really happened by chance. What once appeared to us as a chance meeting is now viewed as a divine intervention. What was once thought to be a time of trouble and despair we now see as a time of learning and personal growth. Also, what was once thought to be a moment of great accomplishment we now see was only a small step forward.

These lessons, these life-changing trials and tests, and tribulations are what have made us who we are today. When we see our lives from a distance, when we evaluate them from the perspective of our age, we see clearer and brighter than we did while in the midst of the trauma or while at the apex of some achievement.

Perhaps the best thing that comes from such a search of our memory is that our life begins to make a little sense. As we confront the hurts and healings, wrongs and rights, highs and lows, successes and failures, health and sickness, wealth and poverty, rejoicing and mourning, hope and despair we have lived through, we see a thread of meaning and purpose.

I am reminded of a time when my very wise and godly father set me down for a talking to. I was in my twenties, had just graduated from four years of Bible College and in our denomination, that was enough to qualify you for ordination and for your own pulpit, could you find a congregation that would hire you.

A few weeks before I graduated from college a little church in north-central Kansas needed a minister and they came to my college to interview some prospects. My young wife and I met with them and then they came to a church service where I was preaching to hear what kind of preacher I was.

The sermon really was not that good, but they hired me anyway and so we prepared for a move from our little basement apartment in Nebraska to the parsonage of the Christian Church in Glasco, Kansas. 

Before we left for Kansas my dad set me down and said, “Son I would like to give you a little advice.”

I had no idea what I was going to do upon my arrival in Kansas so I was ready for any help he would give me. 

“Ron, you are moving to a very small church in a very small community. Would you like to know how to have a successful ministry there?”

“I sure would, Dad,” I said, “I’m scared to death.”

“Here’s what do to do, son," I leaned in to make sure I didn't miss a word, "Take care of the old ladies in that church,” He paused a moment, then explained, “When the old ladies are happy the whole church is happy and you will have a good ministry. But when the old ladies are unhappy it won’t matter how good of a preacher you are.”

His advice sounded good to me, so I took it to heart and went out of my way to be interested in and care for the lovely older ladies at the church. Dad was right. I had a good ministry, not because I was a great preacher, but because I knew the secret of a successful pastorate in small-town Kansas – shared with me by my wise dad.

You too must recall the days of your life and glean from those memories the wisdom you gained from everyday living – then pass on that wisdom to your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. If your children and your grandchildren know you as a person it will be easier for them to discern the kind of person they want to be.

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